those of you who have followed my blog for a while will remember last year when i wrote this post. i'd really hit a low point and had no way of dealing with the feelings of disappointment, fear and loneliness so i shared it with all of you. now a year on i come to you with the news i should have had then...
I'M GOING TO UNIVERSITY!
for anyone who doesn't know, last year i failed to make the grade and decided to retake a year of sixth form. it was truly one of the hardest decisions of my life. i know that sounds pathetic but my dependence on my friends left me feeling truly lost without them in a place that i'd only know with them. so i spent the year keeping my head down, working my arse off and trying my best to fit in amongst the swarms of new people and i can safely say to you it was the best decision i ever made.
i'm now leaving secondary school with grades better than i could have ever hoped for, a place at a university i could have only dreamed of getting into last year and one of the best groups of friends i could have only imagined having. i truly am the poster girl for 'sometimes a second chance is all you need.'
reading back that post it's strange to see how different my mentality is only a year ago. i've definitely emerged from it stronger than i ever imagined i could be. things don't effect me now like they used to. when people say horrible things about me i stand strong. when i make mistakes i can put my hands up, accept it and apologise. when i go into a room full of new people, yes i'm scared, but now i know how to deal with it and move past that. i'm truly a changed person, and most definitely for the better. i still have my low days but now i know how to hide them and now i can finally say i am happy being me. and what a nice feeling that is.
it really does make me wonder where i would be now if i had got in to university last year. all of the experiences i would have missed out on at school. all the friends i would have never made. would i be the person i am today? or would my life have taken a completely different direction? who knows? but the one thing i do know is that retaking my year at school was the best thing i could have possibly done and i wouldn't change it for the world.
so to those of you panicking because you didn't make your grades or perhaps didn't get into your top university. stop and breathe. it sucks. it really does. but it gets better. everything happens for a reason and you need to remember that. take some time to truly think about what you are going to do and approach it with all of the enthusiasm and determination you can muster. everything will be okay. take it from some whose been there.
and to those of you who said to me last year 'you're going to be okay.' you were right. and i wish i'd listened to you sooner. it would have saved me a hell of a lot of tears.