Saturday, 6 July 2013

'but you look so much better without make-up'

no real reason for this. i just love the picture and miss cassi and luke alot :)
this is a post that i have rewritten time and time again and yet i still haven't ever got around to it. i think thats mainly because i feel like it opens up a whole world of other issues surrounding women, our femininity and the way in which men feel the need to judge women based on appearance. i don't mean this post to come across bitter and with a miss havisham 'i hate men' mentality, but i think really that is the most likely outcome in this situation as it is an area i often find myself thrust into with little or no warning. and it is because of this i can almost definitely see myself writing more than just this one post on some of the issues addressed. but for now and with that in mind i think it's time i tell you a story...

i could try to set the scene very dramatically for you by truthfully i can barely remember the situation in which it occurred. all i really remember is being part of a very normal conversation and one of my guy friends turning to me with a very strange statement: 'i don't think i've ever seen you without make-up'. we had been friends for a good few years and true as that is, it seemed like such a strange thing for him to bring up or even think about. this led to nods and noises of agreement from those we were with and then the inevitable question... 'why do you always wear make-up?'. followed quickly by 'i bet you look better without it anyway'. i realise that this is something that many deem flattering, even perhaps seeing it as a compliment, and shrug of with a flustered look and an 'oh how kind, but no'. but for me this is a comment that always makes me a little irate because i know i don't look better without make-up and how could they judge that having never seen me in that situation. in fact when people see me without it they always seem a bit shocked. make-up has been invented to make-up people look better than they do already, so unless you're doing something very wrong how can people claim 'you look so much better without make-up'?

so as any curious person would i took to facebook to ask as many of my guy friends as i could 'should girls wear make-up?', 'when is it too much?' and lastly 'do you really think girls look better without it?'. the responses were varied.

the general consensus seemed to be 'too much=when you look like an orange', 'not so much foundation that it looks like concrete' expected responses... one person stated 'lipstick is a bit meh and should always be a really natural colour if you have to wear it' (definitely not a fan of the red lip it would seem). but it would seem that no one was directly opposed to the use of make-up many suggesting 'just a smattering, nothing major'. but most seemed to agree that although it was a personal choice generally girls looked nicer without any make-up taking me straight back to where i started.

obviously this wasn't quite the response i had hoped for, but it wasn't all bad as most seemed very positive about the idea of 'natural-looking' make-up. i was about to give up on the issue but then one friend sent me a message that made me quite upset.

'i think it is much better to be yourself

like if you are wearing it every single day just meeting friends i feel like it's not really being you
it's like me wearing a mask
i've had it a number of times where i've known someone really well
then seen them without make up and been like damn
you are literally hiding yourself totally
i think it's sad that they aren't confident enough in themselves

but if it was someone i know
i would just find it hard to understand why you needed to slap it on in the first place
rather than just being yourself with me as a mate'

now on the surface this really isn't that bad, but i was feeling a little vulnerable and the accusation that wearing make-up made me an entirely different person angered me. following a heated discussion in which he questioned both my confidence and my personality as he knew it, we agreed to disagree and leave the matter there. (probably for the best to be honest)

i understand to many my reaction to this entire situation may seem over the top and extreme but i assure you i am usually one to keep quite when it comes to people commenting on my appearance. i'm not the most confident of people and it really does only take one bad word, even meant as a joke, to set me off into my obsessive search for unattainable perfection. nowadays when so many women and girls are lacking in confidence i just find it sad that people would perceive something that is there to help people, as a means for one to mask their personality. for me make-up is a way of expressing myself. you can really tell the mood i'm in and the way i am going to approach my day by the way my face looks and it is that which makes me the person i am. i'm not masking a personality but simply bringing the different elements of the one i have to life and personally i think that is a beautiful thing that should be celebrated.

although most responses did take me back to square one, one response, which came from my 17 year old brother, did make me smile. he said ' natural girls are much hotter. but if they need it, they need it.' to which i could only laugh. i probably wouldn't use those words exactly but i am in total agreement. if i had naturally beautiful skin, with no bags under my eyes and nice long eyelashes then of course i would wear no make-up! but i don't. and like tom says.... if i need it, i need it. who really cares?

big ♥,

rosie

nb. i know this post comes across as rather more rambley than normal but it was something that i kept coming back to. i didn't mean it to seem so ungrateful, because obviously its nice to hear nice things about yourself but for me this issue with make-up is one i have heard far too many times and i really felt the need to have a little vent i think! heck it's my blog i can write about what i like, right?! :)


22 comments:

  1. Aaaah, I've noticed boys don't notice much make-up though! They see crazy eye make-up and big fuck-off lashes and mad lipstick colours, but they never see mascara or foundation. So many people wear it it just becomes the norm.

    I say if wearing make-up makes you feel more confident there's no problem. :)

    Emily
    www.incurablycurious.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I also get irritated by some of these comments. I have no problem with the way I look without makeup, it's just something I ENJOY and can EXPRESS myself with. When guys make comments like that, they make me feel bad for wanting to doll myself up and wear something that makes me comfortable or happy. I believe that everyone should wear whatever they want to on their face (even if that means nothing) without judgement.

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